This feels like the hardest time, reality sinking in the wake of (what feels like) last Tuesday's bad Hollywood movie — with astounding special effects.
One thing I love the most about living in Manhattan is accomplishing all my errands by walking no more than a (long) two to three-block radius. Now, posted on every corner building are stabbing reminders of radiant, smiling people — young and old — their personal portraits posted by those who love them. It's a constant reminder of the hundreds—thousands—who are grieving so very, very deeply. Everyone I've bumped into in the last few days has a best friend who lost a son or daughter, or husband or wife.
The smoke still rises in the near distance out my window from where the monoliths stood. My window now frames the plumes, dramatizing a full view with the recent removal of my A/C from the lower half of my window. More frequent hints of Fall in the air add to my confusing mix of emotions and muddled expectations about what's ahead.
Every day gives rise to a different emotion. Two days ago I felt confusion, and yesterday — agitation. It took me two hours to get things sorted to get out the door and meet with a friend of Dylan, my son. He slept in on 9/11, the morning he was supposed to consult below Canal Street. His friend is helping me develop a new promo video—a request from my literary agent who hopes to get me onto a major talk show. How do these actors in Broadway shows—the lucky ones whose shows won't shut down—get their energy up to keep perform?
The day before, anger was the emotion de jour. I really snapped at the young sales gal who mindlessly yammered with an indigenous accent, "We jes' need to sen' alla da Palestin-ians, da Jew-ses, and da Mus-lums outa heah!"
"And you keep talking like that and people are going to want to ship you out," I snapped. "And where are you from?" I added, topping off with my own emotional projectile.
And then I see the glory of the bigger plan, the tons of souls who will awaken spiritually from this calamity, who are already asking life-changing questions about life's meaning, their meaning, all the while looking for a Higher Power to embrace and help them make sense of this. So many are already are reaching deeper into their hearts to contribute in more meaningful, wholesome and enriching ways. So many are so ready to toss out all that they have made their God.
We'll see what tomorrow brings.