Getting Over Grief


I'd like to ask you about a man who recently lost his wife. He is a big business guy and he and I had a talk. He is wrestling with emotions, etc. Thinks he should be further along (because everybody in his business world is saying, 'get over it') and I said, it's less than 60 days, getting over it does not mean stuffing it down and dealing with it later. Grieve, cry, scream, kick the television (always a good option) and be OK with the thought you are not going crazy if you feel the need to pull the car over and cry for a few minutes.

-Denis in Holland-


You gave your friend some good advice, Denis. Folks who want him to "get over it" are quite likely projecting their own discomfort about loss, as well as their fear about experiencing something similar. They are really saying, "Please get over this! Don't let us see your pain, because then we might have to deal with our own."

Individuals who allow themselves to feel and process (sort out) their emotions as they go along will benefit from the deepening effect of pain. When uncomfortable feelings are given equal time, they can breathe—get aired—and transform. From the challenges come soul-evolving “epiphanies” and an increased ability to feel greater joy in life.

When we have processed, grown and expanded from our pain we become more accepting of what others are going through. We feel less need to rescue them or deny them their experience because we are mindful of the gifts that we have personally received from our own challenges. One who rushes into rescue another may be one who has yet to reach a deeper understanding of his/her own fear and pain.

We will want to look back on this life—this incredible opportunity for our soul's growth—and see that we allowed ourselves to feel and experience everything fully. We will rejoice that we were able to expand and grow from the pain, rather than to have contracted and run from it. That is how our soul evolves. And never can it evolve as expansively, as it can in these times.